Sharks with Frikkin’ Lasers!

That’s right: frikkin’ man-eating sharks with frikkin’ laser beams attached to their heads.

In a gaming industry where exploding lemons and tentacle rape are possible… why hasn’t anyone ever thought of that?

The premise is simple: create a side scroller game. Use a freaking great white shark as the central character.

At the beginning, you are a little shark puppy with nothing but your uber sharp teeth and soulless black eyes to wreak havoc. The first level could be a tutorial set in the lab. You learn the basic controls, how to jump up in the air, use your awesome teeth, and go after powerups.

Then by the second level, shit starts to happen. You escape out of the lab, gnawing any white-coated screaming scientists in your way. I don’t know how that would happen, but a scientist-chomping shark is too cool to leave out. Rinse and repeat for the next few levels, so the shark gets bigger and you can upgrade him with titanium teeth, which can be used to rip turrets out of their sockets and attach them to the shark.

For the next few levels, give the shark machine guns, rockets, napalm and a squirt gun. Then finally, we go to the higher levels, where he gets a frikkin’ LASER BEAM attached to his head.

I mean, just think how awesome that would be! The shark escapes the narrow waters of the lab and makes out into the harbor, where he terrorizes fishermen, tugboats, cruise ships, tourists, and even a low-flying 747 with his uber mega titanium teeth and frikkin’ laser beams on his head to destroy everything.

As the shark blows up more stuff in his way, he gets bigger and bigger. This allows him to destroy things simply by smashing into them, chomping down hard, or using the focused beams of his laser. Finally, he has to face off against ballistic missile submarines, warships, Navy SEALS, high-altitudeB2 and B52 bombers, and even Godzilla.

Glorious.

The platforms are already out there (Flash or Java), and there are even games which can be modified for this mind-blowing concept, such as the famous Sydney Shark in Newgrounds.

So if any ninja coders / aspiring game developers / Atlanta web design teams with idle time are listening out there, make Dr. Evil proud. We need sharks with frikkin’ laser beams on their heads.